The Bridegroom Comes

 

The Bridegroom Comes

I have always loved the story of the Ten Virgins, mostly because it is about women.  I really didn't understand the full meaning behind these women, but I knew that I wanted to be one of the wise.  I wanted to have my lamp burning strongly when the Bridegroom would come.  

In this story there are five wise virgins, who have been waiting for the Bridegroom to come and call them to the wedding ceremony.  They have been preparing for this moment by having oil in their lamps incase he should come during the night.  

There were also five unwise virgins, who instead of preparing and watching for the Bridegroom, they spent their time doing frivolous things.  They knew that he would come and they knew about when that time would be, but they were more concerned with the joys of everyday life, than the joy that would come in the end. 

Well, it happened, the Bridegroom came and it was in the night.  His servants called for the women to come and the only ones that could go, were the wise virgins, because they had oil in their lamps, so they could see to go to him.  Sadly, the other virgins were not able to go, even though they begged for oil from the wise virgins.  The women wanted to help and share, but could not, because they then might not have enough to make it to the ceremony for themselves.

At this point in the story, I always felt sad that these women could not go into the marriage ceremony.  I had a hard time understanding why the light could not be shared.  Even today, I still feel badly for these women who aren't even real.  Maybe I feel this way, because I know they are based on real people and I care very deeply about them.  These are women I try to share my light with, but sadly, the light does not shine for them on the path, the way it shines for me.  It is as if the light is not coming from a lamp at all, but from the soul and this light is individually built, so only that person will have the power to see its glow.  That power that makes the light stronger is our belief in Jesus Christ, that he is our Savior and will come again.

Jesus Christ is central in this story, he is the Bridegroom.  He is coming to us, one of the virgins.  In Jewish custom, during Christ's time, a marriage ceremony between a man and women would take place under a canopy, where the marriage agreement would be signed.  They would drink wine to celebrate the betrothal as a married couple.  Even though they were married, they would not go off together to start their own family.  After a day of celebration, the Bridegroom would leave to prepare a home for his bride and the bride would prepare things to fill their future home.  These would be things such as oil and clothing.  This process would last about a year.  

After this year, the Bridegroom would then return, unannounced to collect his Bride and complete the marriage ceremony.  Sometimes the Bridegroom would come in the night and everyone would go out to meet him and celebrate.  Everyone needed to be prepared for such an event.  If the bride was not prepared and watching, she would miss him and in turn, miss completing the marriage.  If she was prepared with oil in her lamp, then she would go to her husband, complete the ceremony of marriage and after more celebration, the couple would consummate their marriage and live together as man and wife.

With this added knowledge  of the background of the Jewish marriage custom, it truly changed the way I looked at the parable of the ten virgins.  It wasn't just a nice story about women.  It became a story that helped me develop deep gratitude for my Savior.  He is my Bridegroom, just as he is yours and everyone's.  He signed a contract, which was that of the atonement and resurrection.  He bound us to him with his blood.  He then went to prepare a place or a home for us in heaven.  When he comes again, in all his glory, will I have done my part of the signed contract, by saying I would come to earth and follow him?  Will I have stored oil, or testimony in my heart.  Will I have made clothing or routines of righteousness to protect myself and my family against the harsh elements of Satan?  If I have done these things, then I will be prepared to follow him, the Bridegroom, to the celebration which is eternal life and exaltation.

The thought of an excited bride not going to her own wedding, because she hadn't done simple every day tasks, is one that causes me real sadness.  I can just picture a young man, who has worked hard for a year, preparing his wife's home, just to find out, that she hasn't honored her part of the marriage contract.  That he was not important enough to her. Is that how Christ will find us when he returns?  With all my heart, I hope not.  Let us build up our oil supply, so that our lamps may burn bright for that great day.

The End of the World As We Know It

 

The End Of The World As We Know It

If I were to take information, from the four gospels on the end of the world, what would that look like?  That is what I am going to do.  In specific, I am going to focus on just a few chapters. Now, the only problem with me trying to do this, is my mind is full of information, that I have gathered over the years, and I will be interjecting that into my findings in Matthew, Mark, Luke, and John.

In Matthew 24, it starts with Christ having just come from the temple.  If you remember, this was a very emotional time, as Christ went to his Father's house and found people buying a selling. He threw out those thieves (spiritually robing worshipers and making a mockery of sacred temple ceremonies) with great passion that we have never seen at any other moment in Christ's mortal life.

After this experience in the temple, Christ's apostles ask for more information on His 2nd Coming.  They ask, because on the way to Jerusalem, Jesus quotes scripture about himself, saying, "And they shall scourge him, and put him to death: and the third day he shall rise again." Luke 18:33. These apostles have been pondering for some days on these saying of Christ and do not understand what is meant, or they may understand to some degree, but hope they are wrong, because they do not want their spiritual master, Christ, to be taken from them.

To add to those thoughts, on the way out of Jerusalem, after Christ threw out the money changers and taught the people, one disciple asked about the stones that were used in the construction of the buildings in that great city.  This is when Christ mentions that the stones of those buildings will not stand one on-top of another.  That same night, as they sat outside the city of Jerusalem, on the mount of Olives, the apostles were finally able to ask and hear clarification on these topics and learn more on the signs of Christ's return.  

The first of Christ's prophecies on the second coming, was warning.  He was talking to the apostles, but this warning wasn't really for them, it was for us, here on this earth today.  Christ said, "Take heed that no man deceive you. For many shall come in my name, saying, I am Christ; and shall deceive many." Matthew 24:4-5. I think the most important factor in this matter is, how can we be deceived if we have a close relationship with our Savior?  We can't, because the Holy Spirit will be our guide and warn us when we are being deceived.  

Next, Jesus goes on to talk of wars and rumors of wars.  To me, it seems like all my life there has been some war or another going on and there is always rumors of more.  I believe this prophecy has been in the process of being fulfilled for some time and will continue to be fulfilled till the very end.  The interesting thing is, this is one of the earlier signs. Christ says that even with this, the end is not yet.  Meaning, there are still more things that need to happen first before the Son of Man should return.  

Again, Christ says even with signs of famine, pestilence, and earthquakes in diverse (meaning different) places, that this is only the beginning of sorrows.  I look at this and think, hmm, famine, there are many areas of the world dealing with famine, which also causes fires, dark skies, bad air, and future mudslides.  So, a big fat check to that one.  Then pestilence, COVID covers that in one fell swoop, but lets not forget there are places dealing with COVID and pestilences, like Africa that is having one of the largest Locust outbreaks of all time. The last mentioned were the earthquakes.  There have been more and more earthquakes all over the world and the effects are being felt by many.  

With all these horrific prophesies that Jesus mentions, he makes it clear that this is just the beginning of sorrows.  I think this is important to know. because as of right now, I feel like this is exactly where we are.  I can honestly say, I believe all of these signs have been and are being fulfilled right in this very moment.  If with all this, we are only at the begging of sorrows, then we need to become so much more spiritually and mentally prepared.  I am grateful to Christ for not hiding the hardships of this time.  He lets us know the facts, so that we could properly get ready to be apart of this time and to look forward, through the darkness, for His return.

Jesus continues to talk of the tribulations that will occur. Those who believe in Christ, will be turned in by their families and killed for His sake. Christ at this time is giving counsel to His Apostles, because they will have to endure this in their lives, but this is also something that others today will sadly have happen to them as well. These people will be put to death for their beliefs and teachings of the gospel of Jesus Christ. We have already seen this.  In the news a couple years ago, we were shown Christians, in the Middle East, fleeing to the hills to hide for their lives. Those who openly preach His name will be made targets and their friends and families may fear their own lives, making them give up that individual to authorities to protect themselves. Africa is being targeted in this right now.  It is believed between 50-70 thousand Christians have been killed in the last decade. It is a strange thought, that the religion I so freely live everyday, is reason for death in other countries.

Jesus then says there will be times of great hardship that take place specifically in Jerusalem.  Often times in scripture, prophets speak of similar events that happen more than once.  Many call these events, a second witnesses, or if it happens to a person, a type of Christ. Together these events or people show strength and solidity and point to Christ. Jesus warns that Jerusalem will be taken over and it was after the temple was rebuilt.  This happened in 70 AD, by the Romans. More recently the city and country was taken in the 20th century, but that is the last time it should be taken, because of other fulfillments that I will mention shortly. 

I said I was going to only use the four gospels, but I did do some research, because I wanted to make sure my thoughts were accurate and I found some good pieces of info that I wanted to add.

When Jews and Christians will be persecuted, Christ says, woe (great sorrow or distress) to the women who are pregnant or who are breastfeeding and pray that it isn't winter when you have to flee your homes.  Those who can flee, will have to do so with such speed or they will not make it to safety.  Women who can't run, because of being with child, or carrying young ones, will be slower and will not make it, but will parish.  Christ, who was so gentle to women and children during His ministry, is having to say things that would be very painful to envision. He would, in just a short time, take upon him all the pains of the world, including these very events He prophesied of.

The interesting thing about all of this is, life around the world is still going to continue as all life does.  Christ said people would be get married and have families, just like they did in Sodom and Gomorrah, just like they did before the flood of Noah.  In the middle of all the calamities and hardships, we will continue on living our lives, as if nothing were happening, though they very much are.  We have seen this, I know many who have gotten married, had babies, gone to school or on missions. We keep moving forward, because that is what we are meant to do and why would we stop, just because life is hard? The good news is, Jesus also mentioned that time will be shortened and that this would be done for the righteous' sake.  Days go by so quickly, I feel that they must be being made short for us.  I am very grateful when I get to go to bed. Even though this also means each day that passes, I am a little older and a little closer to death, I also know that we are one day closer to the great day of His return.

With all this happening, we would think that surely Christs return would now occur, but not quit yet.  There will be more people professing to be the Christ.  People will say that he is in the dessert or in the wilderness, but don't believe it.  There will be absolutely no doubt when Christ really returns, we will all see Jesus and know without any question that it is Him.

We have one more set of major signs, before the coming of the Savior for the second time. "Immediately after the tribulation of those days shall the sun be darkened, and the moon shall not give her light, and the stars shall fall from heaven, and the powers of the heavens shall be shaken:" Matthew 24:29.  One of the key words in this verse is the word Immediately.  These things will be done much more quickly in secession that have the past signs of the time. As a person who loves celestial events, I look forward to this, that is, if it is another solar eclipse (which will happen in April 2024).  If it is dark because of a volcano eruption or other large disruption, that doesn't' sound nearly as exciting.

The question stands, with all the signs that are happening now, are we going to be alive to see the return of Christ?  There is one particular scripture that gives a little more insight on timing. This is in the first three gospels, which means it must be very important since it is vocalized by multiple witnesses. I am choosing to take the Joseph Smith Translation of this verse, for the added clarity that it brings. Luke 21:32 "Verily I say unto you, this generation, the generation when the times of the Gentiles be fulfilled, shall not pass away till all be fulfilled."  I read this as, when all the works of the Gentiles (designate peoples of non-Israelite lineage and other times to designate nations that are without the gospel, Bible Dictionary) are finished.  We need to know what the works of the Gentiles are that have to be finished, before we can see a clear timeline.

To put it simply, the works of the gentiles are to spread the gospel of Jesus Christ. This first began after Christ's death, when the apostles went to other nations and taught the gospel of Judaism and Christianity. In that period of the world, the gospel was first given to the Israelites, then to the gentiles. When the apostles of Christ were all martyred, the true gospel faded from the earth and the world was thrown into the apostasy or dark ages. The title is very fitting, because the the light of the gospel of Christ was no longer on the earth.  After this, the gospel was restored to the earth once more and will never be taken away again.  Joseph Smith was the prophet of this time of restoration.  He was a gentile as were all the converts to The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints. Now the gospel is being taken to the gentiles first, then the gospel will be taken to the Jews.  The first shall be last and the last shall be first, Matthew 20:16.

The spreading of the gospel of Jesus Christ is the main point of the signs of the works of the gentiles, that should be fulfilled.  This spreading of the gospel is also called the gathering of Israel.  We can see that we are in the final stages of this, as the gospel of Christ has been taught to every nation, due to physical missionary work, but also due to the advancement in technology and social media. Along with the promise of the gospel going to every land and people, there is the additional promise that the Jews will be able to return home to Jerusalem and be free.  

When Orson Hyde was sent on a mission in 1841 to Jerusalem, he was able to dedicate land and bless that nation.  The words of those blessings have been fulfilled.  The land of Israel is beautiful once more and is a thriving economy, where many advancements in medicine and technology take place. More than that, for the last 72 years, Israel has been a free nation, something they, the Jewish people, had been praying for for the last 1,500 years. With this gained freedom, was also the ability to gather once more to Jerusalem.  When Orson Hyde gave that blessing, there were only 5 thousand Jewish people living in Israel, today, there are roughly 5 million.  That is definitely a fulfillment of prophesy.

Now that we know of the signs that Christ gave as part of the Olivet Discourse and we know that many of these signs have been fulfilled or are almost completely fulfilled, what does that leave?  It leaves the best part for last.  Christ's Return. Those who see the fulfillment of the work of the Gentiles, will also be able to see the fulfillment of all the signs and see the return of Christ.  What a great and dreadful day that will be.  For the righteous it will be great, for the wicked, it will be a day of dread.  That is why I used the title, The End Of The World As We Know It. Bruce R McConkie stated it this way. "The end of the world is the end of unrighteousness or of worldliness as we know it."  It isn't that the earth will explode into nothingness, far from that.  The earth will be made whole or complete and the people on the earth will choose Christ as their leader.  It will be a beautiful day when all are united in love and righteousness.  Everything the world and the inhabitants of the world went through to get to that moment, will be worth it.  When every knee shall bow and every tongue confess that Jesus is the Christ, we will finally be free and be at peace.

Additional Sources:

The Future of the Holy Land-John Ludlow-1972

https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/study/ensign/1972/05/the-future-of-the-holy-land?lang=eng

Lesson 45-Looking Forth For The Great Day of The Lord

https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/manual/doctrine-and-covenants-student-manual/section-45-looking-forth-for-the-great-day-of-the-lord?lang=eng

Who Are We Following

 

Who Are We Following

The New Testament is a favorite of mine.  Not only is it a favorite, because it is about Christ's life, but also because of the imagery that Jesus used while teaching.  In John chapter 10, Christ is at a very challenging time of his life.  He knows his time is short and he has much teaching that he still wants to do.  His family, mainly his brothers, invite him to The Feast of Dedication (today we know it as Hanukkah), tempting him to go to Jerusalem to teach and perform more miracles. They do not yet believe in who he is, so are not looking out for his best interests.  If Christ were to go to the feast, he would surely be taken and killed.

Despite these challenges, after his family leaves, Christ does go, but not to celebrate, but to teach in the temple.  He went to do good works and bring more souls unto his father. While he was there, he was able to teach, but he was also rebuked for his teachings and almost stoned to death. Before he slipped away from his accusers, he gave one of the most beautiful teachings in all of the scriptures.  He gave us the story of the Good Shephard.

Christ starts by saying, that anyone who has to clime over the gate is not the shepherd, but a thief.  Right away, my mind starts thinking, who is trying to steal the sheep and why?  There is but one answer, Satan is trying to steel the sheep and we are the sheep that he wants for his own.  Why does Satan want us so badly?  There may be many right answers to this question, but I believe the answer that fits best, is that he does not want us to be happy, nor does he want our Father in Heaven and Savior to be happy.

If Satan is climbing over the gate to get to us and breaking past all our defenses, of good parental teachings, going to church, saying our prayers, and reading our scriptures, what are we to do?  When Satan, through some devious plan, puts pornography on our computers, drugs in our schools, and hate into our hearts, what are we going to do?  When Satan has us by his razor teeth and we are all but spiritually dead, are we lost?

God knew that we would be taken by the Devil and made his.  God had a plan.  A plan that started oh so long ago, even before we were born on this earth.  The plan was his son, Jesus Christ.  Another name for him, is the Good Shephard.  He is our brother and has born us all on his backs from the very beginning.  He knows us and we know him.  He calls to us and we hear him and because we hear him, we go to him.  When we are stuck on a high rock, we jump into his outstretched arms.  When we are trapped in the brambles, he breaks through the thorns to free us.  When Satan has us in his grasp and we are calling out in pain, he comes to us.  Christ casts away that dark one and carries us back into his light.

I have seen sheep be carried away from the fold of the Good Shephard, because they did not go to Christ when he called them.  Then when they were ravaged in agony of Satan's power, instead of calling to their Savior, they continued to turn away from him and suffer.  Christ is standing there, with his arms outstretched, just waiting, but they never jumped, never even spoke his name.

Who are we following?  Are we following our Shephard, Jesus Christ, or we following the Big Bad Wolf, Lucifer?  What do we spend our time focused on, is it Christs' words, is it loving our fellow man, is it turning our hearts to him?  If we are not doing these things, then we are not following the Shephard, we are not following Christ.

John 10:27 My sheep hear my voice, and I know them, and they follow me:

As Christ taught the people in Jerusalem about who he really was, he had a large following.  The people were divided, some said he was possessed by a devil and others said he must be a prophet, because of his good deeds. Most in Jerusalem did not see him for who he truly was, so they tried to kill him that very day.  Christ had just testified that he was the one to choose when he would die and that his time was not yet.  Fulfilling his own words from moments before, Jesus safely slipped through the angry mob and went to the Jordan River, where John the Baptist once taught.

There Christ was, along the Jordan and who should come unto him?  His sheep.  May we turn and follow our Savior Jesus Christ, our Good Shephard.

Obedience-The First Law of Heaven

Obedience-The First Law of Heaven

I am attending BYU-Idaho and this is my first semester.  As part of my religion class studying The NewTestament, we were asked to write down three lessons that stood out to us and then pick one to go into more detail on.  One of my three lessons is Obedience, the first law of heaven. I choose this, because this is a saying my dad would always use when my sisters and I lived at home as kids. It bring back good memories and helps bring the right ton to the topic of obedience. 

John 2:5  His mother saith unto the servants, Whatsoever he saith unto you, do it.

I love this scripture, especially when you take it out of context, but first lets look at it the way it was intended. In the account of John, this is a very powerful and personal miracle that Christ performs for his mother. Jesus and his disciples were invited to a wedding celebration.  In the middle of the celebration, the guests are thirsty, but there is no more wine to be had. Mary turns to her son, in full faith, and asks him to fix this problem. Christ performs his first somewhat public miracle.  He turns water into wine and he shows his Godly power, even though he was not ready to.  He does this, because he loves his mother and is an obedient son.  

Christ had a mission to carry out. His ministry of preaching repentance to the Jewish people had only started. I would imagine he wanted conditions to be right in order to continue bringing many to repentance and unto his father. If word got out that he was more than just a teacher, but a man of miracles, that ability to teach would be halted. With this all at stake, Jesus listened to his mother, explained his position, then, Jesus saith unto her, Woman, what have I to do with thee? mine hour is not yet come. Despite this, he still proceeded to perform the miracle. Christ showed us of his perfect obedience to his mother, a promise he made many years before as a boy, at the temple in Jerusalem.

To take a look at my focus scripture, it says His mother saith unto the servants, Whatsoever he saith unto you, do it.  Looking at this, by itself without the background story, it sounds like Mary is talking strait to us.  Telling us to obey whatever her son, Jesus the Christ, should ask us to do.  I love how forward that is.  As a mother, she knew exactly who her son was.  She had pondered those many things in her heart and been given witness to his Godhood. She knew and in knowing, she had no doubt that he would do this for her, because of the love that is Christ.  I dare say, Mary wanted each of us to have that same knowledge of his love on our behalf.

If we are to take that scripture as if she is saying this to us, that would mean, we must be the servants.  What would servants of Christ do? They would share the pure love of Christ. We should all want our family, our friends, and complete strangers, to listen to him, to Jesus, the Son of God, and follow him. As his servants, we should be sharing the word to follow him in complete obedience.  Obedience is one of those interesting principles to teach.  It is better to teach by example than it is by words. That is exactly what Christ did. I know as we turn our hearts and wills over to Christ, in full obedience, we will be blessed beyond measure with peace and joy.

Day Dreams

What could I do if I didn't have to do?  This is the question that I presented to myself today as I looked around my trashed house (OK, just the play room) and thought about how I wanted to be outside today, but wasn't able, because of my responsibilities.  Then as my 22 month old daughter pushed buttons on the computer and came across a picture of a different life I wondered, for that small moment, what would it be like to just pick up and move to my dream? 

The problem was I didn't even have a dream.  Blah, how did I get to that point, I used to day dream all the time and loved it.  An excitement used to fill me when I day dreamed and I had hope for the future.  Not that I don't have hope, but I don't have fun in my hopes.  Blah is right.  So I decided to come on here and figure out what my day dream would be, what my fantasy life would be.  In order to do that though, I think I will have to take away responsibility.  Hmmm, I wonder if this would really be a life I would like, but I will go for it, why not.

Here is my dream.

Mossy covered trees stretch before my round deep blue eyes.  The warmth sticking to my  pale skin, my feet dance across the sandy shores of the large pond off to my side.  I move towards giant boulders on the hillside, using my strength, pull myself up, letting the full breeze sweep across me, whipping my dark hair in every direction.  My soul is carried on that breeze, laughing, singing, crying, taking in the years of long ago, the battles fought, the loved ones gained, the life shared.  As blissful as this moment is, longing enters my heart, but is whisked away in the delightful squeals of children, my children.  Behind them their father runs, chasing these pale beauties, the older ones with long legs and the smaller with pudgy hands.  They make their way to me for safety even though they would love to be caught by the man they call dad.  Once all have reached the top of the giant weather beaten boulder, we stand as one in the warmth and let the joy that fills our hearts escape on the breeze to be carried away only to return to enchant us another day.

Ah, a dream came.  Though with many dreams there may be a surprise ending.  My dream started with me alone, enjoying nature only to feel empty.  Without my family it was no paradise.  I desired to have no responsability, but in doing so, I took away my joy.    My family is my responsibility and my family is my joy!  Maybe one day my dream will come true, but if I never have this scene played out in real life, I at least have the people in my dream to hold, love, and cherish forever more.  Now that is a dream come true.

Weakness

Life has an interesting way of turning in ways we just don't expect.  This last summer was one filled with a lot.  I mean it was pretty packed, but it was fun.  I was in the play Anne of Green Gables with my two older girls and we had some pretty fun times together.  As a family we were able to take a good amount of time on mini vacations and there were lots of activities along the way.  It was a great time!  Well, with all seasons, they must come to a close and this one came to a close exactly one day after the play ended.  It was mid August and my fall began and then winter came just a short time later.

I am 32, I did not think that I would feel like what you thought you would feel like at 60 or 70.  I have had a long 6 months of doctor appointments and procedures in which they all tell me I am perfectly healthy.  Yay, I am perfectly healthy, but my body tells me otherwise.  I guess it is good that it isn't anything they can see, or it might be a lot worse, but the question it, what to do now?  Now that there are no answers, do I just live in winter the rest of my life?

Well, I am a very religious person and I have been turning more and more to my Lord for help, turning to the scriptures and turning inward.  I have come to a few realization, but admit I still have a long way to go for understanding.  My God has given me the gift of sight, and this is one sight that was almost easier to go without.  I am now able to see myself a little bit more for what I am.  I am nothing, I am week, I am less than the dust of the Earth.  I also at the same time know my value, I am of considerable value, for my Savior, Jesus Christ, paid the price for me, a very heavy price, so I am of great value, but am still nothing, am still week and I feel it, everyday.

The Lord wants me to except my weakness, so that he can take my weakness and give me his strength.  The problem is, I don't know how to do that.  I naturally want to fight against being week, I want to be strong and I think I know how and I keep trying, even when I know I just need to except.  What is the difference of excepting and just giving up?

My doctor prescribed me a medication for Fibromyalgia, but my insurance doesn't want to cover that, until I have tried a combination of 2 medications, 3 times and failed.  Meaning, 6 different medications with who knows how many side effects.  One of the medications is a pain med and the other is an anti anxiety or anti depressant.  Truthfully, I could use both of those right now.  I am not in a good place, but am more than a little nervous to take them.  There have always been consequences for taking pills and I don't think this will be the exception, but I need to do something.

I prayed a little differently today.  I asked for a miracle, even though I didn't think I was going to get one.  I know the Lord loves me, but as part of that love I know he wants me to grow into a better person.  If he were to take this trial away from me, then I would not become the person he is shaping at this moment.  I told him, I don't want to become that person, but that isn't really true, I do want to be better than I am now, it is just so hard to be changed.  After I prayed today, I decided to go read my scriptures, I always get answers to prayer by reading my scriptures.  Well, you want to know what I read, that the people in the time of Alma were moring greatly and because of this they fasted and prayed mightily.  What does this tell me, well it didn't tell me if I should take the pills, or how to except my weekness, but it did tell me to keep praying.and fasting.  So for now, that is what I will do.  Maybe a different answer will come, but for now this will have to do and I am sure it will, the Lord wouldn't tell me to do this if it was for nothing.

Well, I just had a thought.  In our church we were challenged to work on a Christ like attribute each month and I decided to work on Patience, because I am really bad at this.  I just realized that Heavenly Father is helping me with this by telling me to keep praying.  Well, that makes me feel a little better.  It is nice to see him working in my life, I see it so often it is truly amazing.  I hope I will always notice his love and his answers.  I also have a hope that one day spring will come again, I truly do believe spring will come.

The Fantasticly Fast Birth of #4

With any pregnancy comes excitement and longing as the days tick on by.  There was no exception to this rule as my family and I waited for the birth of #4.  She was "due" I put that in quotations, because I don't go off of due dates too much, I believe a baby will be born when they are ready, but anyway, she was "due" April 2nd.  I couldn't ask for better timing.  That was a Monday and not just any Monday, but the 1st day of Spring Break for the kids.  So if she was going to be born that week, it would just simplify things greatly.  It was also the week before Easter.  Her due date came and went with nothing more than many contractions during the night that made me think that yes, this is it, but then they fizzled out by morning.  My poor husband had to drive to work, switch schedules, and take days off, because I just wasn't sure if those contractions were the real thing.  You would  think by #4 you would have some idea what was real and was not, but nope, I wasn't sure until they dissipated.  Those contractions could be very strong at times and very regular. 

On her due date and the 1st day or so after, I was having a hard time dealing with the fact that she wasn't coming yet (mostly because I was sleep deprived due to the contractions), and I wanted her so badly.  So I tried a few things to help move things along (walking, eating pineapple, and other things I think I will not mention), but nothing worked.  I only tried a few of the very most common, simple acts, because I didn't want to push things too much.  I really did want her to come when she was ready.  Once I got to about the middle of the week I started to wrap my mind around the whole idea of her being "late".  "Late" in the worlds standards.  Everyone kept saying that she was going to be an Easter baby.  That sounded like fun, but I didn't want to wait that much longer. I was starting to get more and more uncomfortable.  I would always say how grateful I was that I could at least walk well.  By the end of the week I had to admit that NO, I could not walk well anymore and that my body was feeling very pregnant.

Friday I had my Midwifes appointment and I went wondering if my body was really kicking into gear.  I had had many nights of really good contractions, but the night before I hadn't had any and thought, well maybe my body is resting to go into labor tonight.  My midwife checked me and told me that I was at a 5.  That was great!  I had never gotten that far without already being in the hospital.  But at that point I wasn't contracting, so there was no point in me being at the hospital yet.  My Midwife told me that when labor started to get to the hospital right away, because she thought I was going to go fast.

That evening I was having some really good, strong contractions, but there was no consistency to them, so I blew them off once more.  We got the kids to bed and then went to bed ourselves.  I really had a feeling that this was the night.  Mostly because of the very strong, low, pressure I was feeling.  I didn't know how it could go any longer.  So off to bed I went, hoping to get a few good hours of sleep, in case the adventure started.

I woke up about an hour later with one very strong contraction, went to the bathroom and back to bed.  An hour later, I woke up with another very strong contraction, went to the bathroom and back to bed.  An hour after that I woke up with yet another very strong contraction, went to the bathroom and decided to stay awake and see if any more were going to come.  Well, they did.  They were coming every 10 minutes and they were STRONG!  I woke my husband up and said he needed to get ready.  While he was in the shower I called his parents who live 1/2 hour away and to tell them they should come.  In that time that I was on the phone, my next contraction came at 8 minutes.  Then when my husband got out of the shower I told him about the jump to 8 minutes and then another one hit.  It was only 4 minutes from the last one.  I told him and he asked if we needed to call our neighbor friend over.  I just said YES!  He called but no one answered, it was 2 in the morning.  But then she called back and he asked if she could come over.  She was a little asleep at the time and said, just bring the kids on over, but my husband asked if she could come to our house.  She then woke up a little more to realize that was the more appropriate thing to do.  What a great friend we have.  So she was on her way.

When another contraction came so strong at 4 minutes again I said a little worried that we needed to go.  But the problem was I wasn't dressed.  The contractions were coming so hard and fast that I couldn't move fast enough to get ready.  But eventually we got everything we needed and I was dressed.  My neighbor showed up right then and we were off.  I had to stop a couple of times, because I couldn't walk during the contractions, but we got in the car and were on our way. 

The ride to the hospital only took 10 minutes at the very most, but by the time we got to the hospital, I knew things were getting close.  We pulled up to the main hospital doors, but they were locked for the night.  Thank goodness, my husband checked before I got out and to the doors.  So we then quickly pulled around the side of the hospital to the emergency room doors and parked in the circle and made our way in to the front desk.  They asked how far along I was and I said 40 1/2 weeks.  They then said for me to come around and they would get us all checked in.  I was a little worried by that, I didn't have time to do anything like that and thought that all the per-registering I did would be enough.  Well, I said "Um, I need to hurry!"  They then understood and got me a wheel chair and started pushing me to our destination.  We just needed to wait a few seconds for my husband who ran out to move the car and grab our things. 

By the time we were rushing down the hall, my contractions were every 2 minutes or so.  I was doing my breathing, but I couldn't believe how strong they were.  Yes, I have done a natural birth before, but it was so calm and I didn't feel any pain.  OK, I hate the word pain, but yes, that is what I was feeling.  I wouldn't say it was horrible, but certainly not enjoyable.  By the time we got to the room and I was asked to undress and put on a rob, I wanted to cry.  I wasn't sure if I could take having any contractions much stronger than this.  You need to realize, I thought it was going to get a whole lot worse, because I didn't realize just how far my body had gotten in such a short period of time.  But I decided that crying wasn't going to do me any good, so I just needed to get over it and get ready to have this baby.

After a difficult change out of my clothes, I got into the bed and a nurse checked me and was surprised to see that I was at an 8 and fully effaced.  She was confused and decided to check again just to make sure.  She said, yep, you are about ready to go, we better call your midwife.  So, then they started in with the needles, because I needed to have an antibiotic to protect the baby from Group B Strep when she would be born.  The nurse tried to get it in, but couldn't.  So she tried another spot and couldn't.  She said my veins were hard.  Then another nurse came in and tried and couldn't.  They blamed these new needles that they had.  They both said they had never had a problem until they got these new needles.  Can I just tell you that wasn't fun.  My husband had turned on Enya for me to try and get me relax a little and he was trying to help me do my breathing through these very difficult contractions and I have two ladies digging at my arms.  But I just kept on doing my thing, trying to block out there talk and yet answer their questions in-between contractions.

Well, there came a point when it just didn't matter anymore.  My water broke.  And with that I realized and said aloud "my water broke" the nurse said good and I said "no, here comes the baby!"  I admit, I was worried at that point because my midwife hadn't arrived and with my son, once my water broke he was born just minutes later.  The nurse said they were pulling the doctor in from next door who had been working on a 1st time mom who had been pushing for a couple of hours, natural.  Oh, how I felt bad for her!  The doctor came in and I hoped that things would go well with him.  The nurses were talking about how sad it was for the other girl.  That they had to pull him away for me, who just came in and would deliver before her.  The doctor said, that is one of the differences between a 1st time birth and not. It was weird to hear all the conversations going on around me.  It was kind of hectic, but that was alright.  It was just how this birth was going. 

 I felt the need to change my breathing to birth breathing.  Which is short breaths that you move down through your body, instead of the long ones that I had been doing to help me through the contractions.  My husband was great.  I would say a count (4) and he would know I was in the middle of a contraction and would know that meant my birth breathing, so he would help me with that.  Then I would say another count (8) and he would know that I was in a resting moment and needed to do my breathing to help me relax and regroup.  Just then my Midwife showed up and I was so happy.  This baby was coming and she had made it just in time.

She walked in all casual like and the doctor told her to suit up.  He left and she was ready and at my front in what felt like just a moment.  She told me that he was her doctor (she had a baby about 6 months earlier) and that he was a good doctor.  I guess if you had to have a different doctor deliver you, your midwifes doctor would be a good second option. 

My husband was at my side and he and I were working together to breath this baby down and my midwife in front just watching and saying practically nothing.  The thought entered my head that this was very different.  I was expecting her to do something.  Yes, I said I wanted to do self directed breathing, but I didn't really think that is what would happen.  I just figured doctors and midwifes took over leading and when that didn't happen I was surprised.  Also, with my son, things were so different and I was so caught off guard by his slam dunk delivery, I was unable to focus at all, so the midwife had to tell me what to do. But this time I was doing so well.  I was breathing that baby out, a little at a time, nice and slowly.  (After the birth the nurse said how she had never seen that done before and asked me how I did it?  She thought it was just amazing and so neat to watch.) 

This birth was a whole new experience.  I was very aware of what was going on and knew exactly what I needed to do to birth this baby.  There was that last moment, when you can feel that you are just moments away and you think, please just come out already, but then she is is out in one very strange, wonderful feeling of relief.  Then the shoulders come out and it is another one of those great sensations.  She then is placed on my stomach (her cord was so short, they couldn't put her any higher on me) and I placed my hand on her little gooey body and was so happy to see my little girl with all the dark hair. She was born just 26 minutes after we arrived at the hospital.  Once she decided she wanted to come, she didn't take anytime getting here.

I couldn't believe all that dark hair and I said aloud, I was right, she just wanted to cook a little longer to grow that hair.  Her back was to me, but I could see a little of her face and she was beautiful!  A blanket was placed on her to keep her warm, but they let her lay there for a little while before my husband cut the cord.  They then wrapped her up (rubbing just a little of the birth off her) then handed her back to me so I could see the front of my baby.  She was then able to nurse and she did a pretty good job.  This is the first time I have had my baby right from the start and they didn't weigh her or put goop in her eyes until I said I was ready.  It was such a wonderful bonding experience.  We later found out that she weighed 7 lbs 7 ounces and was 20 1/2 inches long.  She was the same weight as our 1st and just 1/2 an inch shorter.  I loved that little lady right from the start and it was so nice to get to know her from the very beginning.  With all the fast pace efforts that brought her into this world, those first few hours after her birth were the most calm, peaceful moments we have ever had.  It truly was a blessing to have that time with such a precious gift, our baby girl.